RANSVESTIA

On top of the wardrobe in my room I discovered a carton, securely tied with string. One night, I climbed on to a chair and took hold of the mysterious box. Mysterious, because all other things in the room be- longed to me. I opened the carton and to my surprise I found my mo- ther's old fancydress costumes in it. One of them was a gypsy girl's out- fit, consisting of a blouse, a skirt and a bodice. I dressed up in it and looked at myself in a full length mirror. My long curls had, of course, been cut when I started to school, but there was also a scarf in the carton which I could tie around my head to make myself look like a real gypsy girl. I don't think I went any further with it that first night, but soon I learned to use crayons and water colors of which I had the normal supply usually found in the possession of any child of that age. My first attempts at making up my lips, cheeks and eyes must have been rather crude, but I lived and learned.

To my knowledge, I have never really been found out. Only once, when I had been careless enough to leave some small piece of clothing out after putting the carton back on top of the wardrobe, my mother found it and asked me about it. I was stricken with fear and shame and had to confess that I had been curious to see what was in the box. I said no more, and my mother seemed to take my word for it. She had either never heard of transvestism or did not connect its existence with mine.

At about that time, new tenants moved into the apartment above ours. As I watched from my window the furniture removers unloading their van, I saw one of the daughters of the new family. I still remember her dress and how I dreamt of being that girl and wearing that dress.

I have no definite recollections of the next few years. I only know that I steadily deteriorated at school, sliding from the top of the class to the near bottom. I was stood down twice and finally allowed to leave school at the age of seventeen. I was supposed to become my father's succes- sor in his old established company, and it was only natural that I would be trained in this field. However, my father had never been very proud of me and seemed to be reluctant to have me around him in his office at that age. As distinct from him, I had been a poor scholar. Besides, his own business was being adversely affected by the economic depression and thus he found me a position as a junior and so-called business apprentice in another firm.

I had been looking forward to this new purpose in life, full of hope that it would be a more successful adventure than school. I was soon disillusioned. I was not in the least suited to dreary figure work day after

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